Love tarot spread: the five card relationship reading

Nine out of ten people who ask me for a tarot reading ask about love. They rarely say it straight away. They start with work, with the move, with their mother, and then, with the second cup of tea, comes the real question.

For that question I use a spread with five cards. It is small enough to stay honest and large enough to show two people instead of one. And it has a position that most love spreads leave out: not only what stands between you, but also what helps.

Here is how the relationship spread is built, what each position means, and where the cards stop.

The relationship spread: five positions

You shuffle with the question in mind and lay five cards in this order. I read with all 78 cards, upright and reversed.

You. Not your character as a whole, but how you stand in this relationship right now. This card is often uncomfortable, because it shows the role you have taken: the one who waits, the one who carries, the one who has one foot out of the door. Read it first and read it honestly. Everything else builds on it.

The other. How the other person shows up in the relationship at the moment. This is not a look inside their head. It is what they bring to the table, as it reaches you. A reversed card here usually means something is held back, not that something is wrong with the person.

What stands between you. The obstacle, the unspoken thing, the third party in the room, which is only rarely a person. Far more often it is money, fear, an old story, a difference in pace. A pleasant card here does not mean there is no obstacle. The Ten of Cups in this place can be the picture of the perfect family that one of you cannot live up to.

What helps. My favourite position. It names what the relationship can lean on: a quality, a step, sometimes a person. It is advice, so it is addressed to you. If the Four of Swords lies here, what helps is a pause, not another conversation at midnight.

Where it is going. The direction the two of you take if you both carry on like this. Not the final chapter. It describes the coming weeks and months, and it moves when cards one to four move.

Then I read in pairs. Cards one and two side by side: do the figures look at each other or away? Do the suits fit, or does water meet fire? After that, cards three and four together, as problem and answer. Only then the fifth.

Suits and court cards in love questions

In a love reading, the suit tells you on which level the relationship is taking place right now. What the suits mean in general is in my guide to the minor arcana.

• Cups are feeling, closeness, tenderness, and also longing and hurt. Many Cups: the heart is involved, whatever else is going on.
• Wands are desire, attraction and pace. Many Wands and no Cups: it is hot, and nobody knows yet whether it is warm.
• Swords are words, arguments, distance and decisions. They are not bad luck in love. They show that things are being thought and talked through, or that they should be.
• Pentacles are everyday life: the flat, money, the body, reliability. A relationship with many Pentacles is lived, not only felt.

A spread without a single Cup is a message in a love question. So is a spread of five Cups: plenty of feeling, and nobody is taking care of the rent.

Court cards confuse people most. They are not hair colours and not genders. They are ways of behaving.

• Pages are beginners: curious, shy, a first message. In love, the Page of Cups is the person who is still testing whether they dare.
• Knights bring movement. The Knight of Cups arrives with an offer and a lot of romance. The Knight of Wands comes fast and can leave just as fast. The Knight of Swords rushes ahead with words. The Knight of Pentacles is slow, and he stays.
• Queens hold a quality inwardly. The Queen of Cups feels deeply, the Queen of Swords sees clearly and has already been hurt once.
• Kings carry a quality outwardly and take responsibility for it. The King of Pentacles provides. The King of Cups stays calm when the other person is not.

A court card in position one describes your role. In position three it can be a real third person: a mother, an ex, a friend with strong opinions.

The best known love cards

Six cards come up again and again when people look for love in tarot. Here is how I read them in a relationship spread. More on the big cards is in the major arcana guide.

A worked example

A woman of thirty four came to me. She had been with her partner for two years, and every time she brought up living together, he changed the subject. Her question: “What is happening between us, and what helps?”

You: Queen of Cups, upright. A woman on a throne at the edge of the sea, looking into a closed cup. She feels a great deal and reads every one of his moods. The cup is closed, though. She senses much and says little.

The other: Four of Pentacles, upright. A man holds one coin to his chest, one on his head and two under his feet. He holds on to what he has: his flat, his habits, his order. That is not coldness. It is fear of losing something.

What stands between you: The Moon, upright. A path in half light between two towers. Not a third person, not a secret affair. Things unspoken, on both sides. She guesses what he thinks, he says nothing because he does not know how. Each fills the silence with their own fear.

What helps: Ace of Swords, upright. A hand holds up a single sword. One clear sentence. Not a hint, not a test, not a reproach wrapped in a question. A sentence such as: “I want to live with you. I would like to know by the summer whether you want that too.”

Where it is going: Temperance, upright. An angel pours water from one cup into another, one foot on land, one in the water. Slow mixing. This is not a wedding card and not a farewell card. It says that the two find a measure, if both pour.

Now read the pairs. Queen of Cups and Four of Pentacles: water and earth. She flows, he holds. That can be a good pairing, a river needs banks, but at the moment the bank is a wall. The Moon and the Ace of Swords: fog and a blade. The answer to guessing is saying. And look at where the two major arcana cards lie: in position three and position five. The weight is not on either person. It is on what lies between them and on the road.

I did not tell her that he would move in with her. The cards do not say that. They say that the conversation she has been circling for a year is the door.

Questions for singles and couples

The spread works without a partner too. The positions shift slightly: card two then shows the kind of person you keep being drawn to, or the one you have not let go of. Card three is what stands between you and a relationship.

Good questions if you are single:

• “What stands between me and a new relationship?”
• “Which pattern do I repeat when I fall in love?”
• “What am I ready for right now?”

Good questions for couples:

• “What does our relationship need at the moment?”
• “What has stood between us since the move?”
• “What can I contribute so that we talk to each other again?”

And questions I do not lay cards for: “Is he cheating on me?”, “Will she come back?”, “Is he my soulmate?”. The first is a question for him. The second is a decision that belongs to her. The third turns a person into a prize. If you only want a quick direction, the yes or no tarot is the better tool, and if the history is long and tangled, the Celtic cross has more room. Those who also know both birth dates can look at the pairing from the side of the stars, in a synastry reading.

What the cards cannot do

I want to be clear about this, because love questions are where people hope the most.

The cards do not make another person’s decisions. Card two shows how someone appears in the relationship now. It does not fix what they will do next month. People change their minds, and they are allowed to.

The cards do not bring anyone back. No spread, no ritual and no reader can do that, and anyone who promises it to you is selling something.

The cards do not replace the conversation. Almost every relationship spread I have laid in thirty years ended with the same piece of advice in different pictures: say it to the person, not to the deck.

And if you are afraid in your relationship, of someone’s anger, of being controlled, then cards are not the right help. Talk to someone you trust, or to a counselling service near you.

The cards show you the room. Who walks through the door is decided by two people.

Frequently asked questions

Which tarot card means true love?

The Two of Cups is the clearest picture of mutual love, The Lovers the clearest picture of a bond you choose. The Ten of Cups stands for love that has become a home. None of them guarantees anything. They show what is possible between two people, and that it wants to be looked after.

Can I do a love tarot spread about someone I am not together with?

Yes. Then read card two as the way this person shows up towards you, and card three as what stands between you and a relationship. Stay with your side. The spread shows your part of the story, not the other person’s secret thoughts.

What does the Tower or Death mean in a love reading?

The Tower means that something which was not true collapses: an illusion, a silence, a role. Death means a phase is over and the relationship changes its form, which can also mean a new stage together. Neither card foretells a disaster, and neither automatically means a breakup.

How often can I lay the relationship spread?

Once per situation. Lay it again when something has really moved: after the conversation, after a decision, after a few months. Laying it every week only measures your own nervousness.

Does a reversed card in the position of the other mean he is lying?

No. A reversed card shows a quality that is blocked, hesitant or turned inward. The reversed Knight of Cups is someone who feels something and does not offer it, not a liar. Whether someone is honest with you is something you learn from them, not from a card.